Be set free!

1.   You need a support team. 

This can be a counselor, as well as family and close friends.  In my case, because I had been silent for so many years, I needed to talk about what happened to me in an effort to process it. Your brain won’t fully begin to process what’s happened to you until you are out of the relationship and feel safe. Then the memories will start flooding back and you may experience nightmares. Your counselor or family may need to hear you process over and over until you come to terms with what has happened to you, and you find ways to cope and then to thrive. Your support team needs to be trustworthy people that will listen, care, and help you see your value. 

2.  Exercise. 

This is so important. On days when you feel you can’t put one foot in front of the other if you get out in nature and walk it gives you time to think, process, and heal. Other activities such as skiing, kayaking, or other outdoor activities are great as well.  The exercise helps you release stress and nature can help heal your mind and soul.  I walked often during my healing process. It helped me to cope with all the pain and loss. During these times you may want to be alone as you process or you may want to bring along a friend. Eventually as you are exercising and in the out doors you will begin to see the beauty around you, you will feel the warmth of the sun on your shoulder, and will feel the sheer joy of being alive.  Your mind and body will be healing.

 3.  Eat Healthy and Take Care of Yourself. 

This may seem trivial, but you have not only gone through a lot emotionally but physically as well.  Feeding your body healthy foods can help you think more clearly and heal physically and emotionally. If money is tight enjoy a relaxing bath with bath salts, candles, and relaxing music. Spend time with a friend doing each other’s nails or have a picnic together. Pamper yourself! You’re worth it!

 4.  Start Telling Yourself the Truth. 

This is especially important for someone that has been through mental and emotional abuse. What happened to you is not your fault.  The lies they told you, that make you feel worthless are just that, LIES.  As an example, when I would get sick, my husband would tell me I was lucky he stuck with me and most men wouldn’t put up with what he did.

Now when I get sick, those words come to mind, and I have to make the choice to tell myself the truth and remember it was all a lie. Sometimes when your spouse does bad things you feel responsible. You are not responsible for other people’s choices. Instead, tell yourself the truth. You are only responsible for YOUR actions, not his. When you feel worthless and like no one could ever love you—tell yourself the truth. You are loved! You are valuable!  Jesus gave His life for you because He loves you so much!  He gave everything for you because of your amazing worth to Him!

 5.  Reading Christian Books and Prayer. 

This is a good time to read books that are uplifting and show God’s great love for you. A couple of my favorite books that were a real blessing to me during this time are At Jesus Feet by Doug Batchelor and Victorious Emotions by Wendy Backlund. They helped me see my worth in the light of God’s amazing love.  There are many books out there that can encourage and strengthen you during this time. Prayer sometimes is just a cry for help “God, how much pain can one heart hold? Please help me.” You may have times when you are angry with God and don’t understand why He would let this happen to you.  Tell Him. Get it out. He is like a best friend. He will understand and care. Gradually your prayers will change and you will see that He was there carrying you through the worst of it. He’ll become a friend that you can rely on and come to with all your cares. He’s someone you can trust with anything.

 6.  Start Journaling. 

This is one of the best things you can do. As I was starting on the road to healing my world often seemed so dark that I could hardly go on. Watching my daughter being plagued with nightmares and living in a world of extreme pain, tore my heart out. I felt helpless and exhausted and struggled to cope.  Journaling helped me to get the pain out and process what happened to me. Often after journaling I felt a sense of relief and could move on.

During this time I also started a Gratitude Journal.  At first I started with small things.

•  Feeling grateful for a special time I had with my daughter that day.

• Grateful that we had a place to live.

• Grateful for food to eat.

And the list continued to grow. Gratitude helped change my world when it was full of pain. Today I still write down 5 things I’m thankful for every day in my Journal. It starts my day seeing my world through eyes of Gratitude. God gives us so many amazing blessings.

 7.  Helping Others.

Do something to help others.  Find something that you enjoy.  It may be working with abused women, helping children, helping troubled teens, helping at a soup kitchen. It doesn’t matter. As you reach out to others and care about them you begin to heal. You feel like your pain wasn’t in vain, and that perhaps your journey has somehow equipped you to better understand and reach out to other hurting people. Each of you have gifts God has given you. They may still be buried under the pain, but I encourage you to find those gifts and use them to bless others. It will not only change their life, but yours.